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It’s always interesting to see what search terms lead people to my blog. Some variation on “fat carries flavor” is, naturally, the most common, far and away. There’s a bizarre series of hits from Charmed-related terms (because of this post), including “powers that you can have like the charmed ones,” “charmed ones real thing,” “is there really the charmed ones,” “could i be the carrier of the charmed ones?” “how do we use real magic like the charmed ones did,” and, annoyingly, several about why Holly Marie Combs is fat in her current show, Pretty Little Liars. There are a whole run of hits about fat goddesses or some of the individual works I posted pictures of in my fat goddesses posts, which makes me happy every time they show up. There are several about Jim Carrey, which always makes me wonder how the hell far down through the results they had to go to find me, because I cannot have that fucking much google juice.

Some of the one-off terms really touch me. They make me want to reach out to the people who typed those phrases in and offer them a hug. Like “could never express my anger bc i was too scared or wasn’t allowed” and “if a doctor says i’m well-nourished does it mean i’m fat” and “how do i make my wedding queer” and “am i to fat to have an abortion”. (And to the person who searched that last one, if you make it back here, and to anybody else who may be wondering, no, you are not. A surgical or medical abortion can be done on anyone of any size, and any doctor who tells you otherwise is a fatphobic asshole. No, seriously, there is no reason for fat to interfere with these procedures. I know a lot of doctors don’t know how to operate on fat people — which is solely because med schools don’t teach them to, and don’t accept fat corpses to practice on — but abortion doesn’t require an incision, it’s strictly in through the vagina, and it’s deal with cutting through fat that freaks out ignorant surgeons. It’s like being too fat to get a pap smear. Not a real thing. Being fat does not make your cervix any farther away. If you do get a fatphobic asshole, I really, really hope you can find another provider, because knowing that one is lying to you isn’t much comfort if you can’t.)

Then there are the upsetting search strings. Some of them are actively trollish, some of them are just indicative of some serious fat stigma and/or thin privilege, and some of them… Well, I’ll get to those in a minute. Some of the most, er, stunning examples of ugly nasty strings are: “why the fat acceptance movement is stupid,” “discrimination against thin people,” “good trolls on fat people,” “fat hate mail,” “your fat and vile you must loose weight,” “why is it wrong to make fun of fat people but it’s fine to degrade skinny women?” “make fun of fat bodies,” “fat overweight ugly troll pic,” and more, some of it about individual people in FA, which I won’t reprint.

Really, though, the thing that upset me most are the fat admirer strings. People are coming to my blog looking for wank fodder, looking for pictures of fat people — of me, since I’m the fat person whose blog this is — to get off to. Which, again, people get to have their kinks and fetishes and attractions, but the moment they start objectifying people who have not consented to it, they have crossed the line and are being creepy assholes. They are, as I saw a recent post out there put it, doing something that is on the same continuum as rape. And I have not consented. I do not post my photos for other people to get off to. I am not ok with other people using my photos for that. And I know perfectly well that altogether too many fat admirers are looking for wank material on sites that are not for that purpose. They aren’t looking at porn sites, pro or amateur. They aren’t looking at forums where consenting fatties post their pictures for admirers to enjoy. They’re trawling through the internet, looking for any pictures they like, and taking them to use out of context. And sharing them with each other. And it creeps me the fuck out like a guy following me too far down a dark street. (And this is why I will never post a nude photo of myself here. I will never post a picture of myself in fetish wear here. Photos of me like this exist, and I have occasionally posted them discretely in parts of the internet where I feel safe doing so. This will never be one of those place. And no, hypothetical assholes, I’m not going give them to you if you ask.)

There have been several variations on the theme of fat nude brides, including a question about how to have sex with a fat bride, searches for very fat nude old ladies, one that I assume is actually for fat femme gay men but actually refers to men who act like women (ick, the bigotry in that phrasing), many variations on the theme of feeders and fat admirers, and “nude fate women from amarika”. These creepy strings are far from the most common ones I get, but they still turn up at least two or three times a week, and yes, they always gross me out.

Notice to people looking for people’s personal photos to jack off to: FUCK OFF. We don’t exist for your pleasure.