Here we are, already halfway into January 2013. Eek. Time, it has not been my friend lately.
In November, my state finally got its shit together, and voters affirmed the law already put in place by the state legislature, and legalized marriage equality. In December, the first wedding licenses were issued. And the following Friday, my wife and I eloped. (Shhh, don’t tell my family.)
We’re still doing the whole big wedding thing (ok, big for us, small for most people) next December, but we were so excited we couldn’t wait. And honestly, we already had a domestic partnership, which is legally the same thing here, and will eventually convert to a legal marriage if we do nothing at all.
So, here’s what I wore for my elopement:
The skirt and blouse are from Recollections, the choker is by Elise Mattheson, and I no longer have any idea where I got the blazer or which local milliner made the hat.
I wasn’t supposed to be wearing that blazer. I have a long black frock coat that goes MUCH better with this, but I couldn’t find it. Eventually it turned up, and was filthy, so I couldn’t have worn it anyway. It’s ok, though. Really, what I was wearing was not the important bit. I just needed a jacket because it was pretty chilly out.
Then we ran away for a weekend on one of the islands. It was wonderful. And I am thoroughly enjoying being married.
Meanwhile, I am now one of the mods at This Is Thin Privilege, and OMG, the trolls and bigots and assholes. I cannot even begin to describe it. The “lol you are such fatties” ones (the last one was signed “god”) are laughable, of course. But the number of people making stupid tone arguments; the people insisting that no, really, our health is in danger; the people demanding proof; the people insisting that there were no fat people, or no poor fat people, before the 1960s; the people insisting that we’re persecuting or hate thin people; that they’ve been thin all their lives and they have it JUST AS HARD as fat people, etc, etc, etc… It’s just amazing to me. We have this this lovely FAQ that covers all of this shit and more, and they never seem to read it. I make at least one “Go read the FAQ” private response every day, and delete several more, and periodically make a standalone post when we get a wave of new people at once just to tell people we have a FAQ and to go read it before asking us anything. We had one commenter mention (in context of WTF is wrong with these people) that we said it so often we sound like a broken record. READ THE FAQ, READ THE FAQ, READ THE FAQ. Why is this so hard for people?
I just don’t know.
I continue to think about the wedding, and to be relieved that a friend is making my dress and my bridal brigade are picking their own clothes, so I don’t ever have to set foot in a bridal boutique and deal with the incredible shit I see other fat brides talking about.
I continue to contemplate pregnancy and child-raising, and feel daunted at the problems fat women encounter in these situations.
I continue to be infuriated by the casual nastiness in TV shows. Just last night, I watched the last two episodes of this season of Haven, a show about a little town in Maine where people have “Troubles” that amount to superpowers that hurt or kill them or others, which sort of loosely references the Stephen King novel The Colorado Kid while not actually having anything to do with it other than a few names. One of the characters, a woman who had been prom queen in high school, but was fat at the class reunion the episode took place at, said that her Trouble was that every bite she took, no matter what it was on the plate, was cake by the time it reached her mouth, and that was why she “look[ed] like this.” Which is just nastiness, really. It doesn’t even make sense with the way the Troubles are set up. It’s just a passing cheap shot at fat people.
I finally caught up with Once Upon A Time, the show about fairy tale characters caught in a curse that plopped them down in our world without any memories of their prior existence. Two of my favorite fat male actors turned up, the amazing Jorge Garcia, and Chris Gauthier, who played ambiguously-gay molecular gastronomy chef Vincent in the now-over SyFy show Eureka. Both are villains. Garcia plays the giant at the top of Jack’s beanstalk. The ground shakes when he walks, and all of the rest of the fairy tail people consider him barbaric and inherently evil. But of course, he has a soft side, and helps Our Heroine after she astounding takes pity on him and doesn’t murder him in his own home, just because he doesn’t want her stealing his stuff. And Gauthier plays Mr. Smee, Captain Hook’s sidekick, who is, in OUAT, a sniveling coward (in a show that frequently repeats that being a coward is worse than being, say, a mass-murderer), a thief, a kidnapper, and someone who will happily victimize a nice young woman for money. Yeah. Yuck.
More upsetting was the incredibly nasty season premiere of Lost Girl, an urban fantasy series about Fae hiding in human society, which involves predatory lesbians, feminists as man-hating “feminazis,” prison rape, forced impregnation, genital essentialism, and a whole slew of the nastiest, ugliest tropes about trans women out there, including trans woman as rapist, trans woman as multiple or serial murderer, trans woman as sadist, trans woman is really a man, trans women try to infiltrate women’s communities for nefarious reasons, oh, and trans panic is a justification for violence and murder. It was horrifying, and my wife and I have had to stop watching the show entirely because of how bad it was and how badly the creators have subsequently handled it (which amounted to saying: no, really, she wasn’t intended to be a trans woman, and anyway the liderc is a mythical creature, so it wasn’t transphobia and you don’t get to complain). Nothing about fat people in this episode. In fact, I don’t think there were any fat people in this episode at all, but I’m certainly not going back to check.
[Please note: If you attempt to justify any of the shit on Lost Girl or claim it wasn’t extremely bigoted, you will be banned, because fuck you. It doesn’t matter whether or not the character was actually trans, because those are tropes that are commonly about trans women, and that are used to justify discrimination against, harm to, and murder of trans women. If you are ok with these tropes being used, then you are ok with encouraging these things.]
And I totally ran out of steam after all that.
I’m attempting to get a project called Fat Facts and Figures; going, a searchable, tagged record of studies, articles, books, blogs, and resources fat people might need when challenged on the reality of fat discrimination, fat health, basic biology, the obesity epidemic, and whatever else. I’m still trying to get the lists of articles I already have up there, but please, come submit some, which you can do without a Tumblr of your own. I’m not planning to post discussion of the stuff, just links and brief descriptions.
Also, it appears that a lot of my entries here have been randomly truncated. I’m going through and fixing them, but if you see one I haven’t caught, comment on it so I can fix it, please.
Hope y’all’s new years are even brighter and shinier than mine.